Why “Earth Day” Wasn’t Created by a Texan

Earth Day. Meh.

Mother Nature in Texas & Oklahoma is hostile to human life. She is not man’s willing servant; she is a rabid, foam-mouthed, blood-toothed, sharp-clawed maniacal destroyer.

I’m convinced Earth Day was conceived by tea-sipping western European elites who live in mild climates where nature is a devoted, loving and fertile servant to man. I know better because I spent my childhood in Oklahoma and half my adult life in Texas.

I lived in London for 15 months in 2001-2002. No bugs to speak of. No venomous critters. No poisonous plants. Mild weather year-round, (with a few exceptions). The ground is so fertile it is ridiculous. You could spit a watermelon seed out the back door and be harvesting watermelons 2 months later. Mother Nature, in SW England, was a compliant, willing and fecund servant to mankind. I understand most of France is the same way or better.

I came away from my sojourn in England convinced that the “Save the Earth” people had never lived in Texas or Oklahoma. I knew from experience that Mother Earth didn’t need to be cared for; she needed to be tamed, broken, collared and caged. She is a saber-toothed tiger, eager to shed man’s blood and blissfully indifferent to the consequences of her actions.

We Need to Care for This?

aftermath of a tornado
Aftermath of the a tornado in Oklahoma City

Oklahoma in springtime means tornadoes, thunderstorms, wicked unexpected heatwaves, late snowstorms and crop-crushing hail storms. Summer brings drought, searing heat, blowing dust and energy-sapping humidity. Fall is an explosion of allergens to make up for the relatively mild weather. Winter is tree-crushing ice storms.

The ground is 90% limestone, so growing anything requires dedication, hard work, sweat, perseverance and more than a bit of luck. We have poisonous snakes and venomous and/or biting bugs. In one 18 month stretch, my hometown of 35,000 people suffered a devastating direct hit by a tornado and two “100 Year” floods. In other words, “Mother Nature” is mean, nasty, ill-tempered and downright murderous most all the time.

Texas is like Oklahoma only more so. Literally everything in nature is trying to kill you. The weather is tornadoes, hailstorms, thunderstorms, lightning storms, floods, droughts, high winds, searing heat, deadly cold, wicked temperature changes, (I clearly remember a day that had an early afternoon high in the 80s and a late afternoon reading in the 30s), and suffocating humidity.

The ground is either caliche clay, which is impossible to till, or rocks. The array of venomous reptiles and bugs, dangerous animals and poisonous plants is exceeded only by the variety of airborne allergens. Literally everything about Mother Nature in Texas is hostile to human life. She is not man’s willing servant; she is a rabid, foam-mouthed, blood-toothed, sharp-clawed maniacal destroyer.

Earth First? Puh-leeze!

I’m certain that the “Earth-First-ers” never spent weeks on end digging ton after ton of limestone from their vegetable garden. I’m pretty sure they never cowered in a “fraidy hole” hoping the tornado blowing over didn’t kill them.

I’ll bet they never spent miserable weeks covered in Calomine lotion because they got a rash from poison oak, poison ivy or poison sumac all up and down their arms, legs, trunk and face. I’ll bet they never itched a night away because they were covered in chigger bites or fire ant bites from just walking through the grass.

I’ll bet they never had a pasture ruined and livestock killed by an invasion of fire ants. I’ll bet they never suffered through a drought that was broken by a flood, or an unrelenting rainy season broken by a drought.

I’ll bet they never sat in the emergency room with a friend whose four-year-old son suffered a rattlesnake bite and prayed he wouldn’t lose his leg. I’ll bet they never dreaded fall and spring knowing that the effluvium from all the budding Texas junipers was going to make them sick for weeks.

I’ll bet they never struggled season after season to get something – anything – besides weeds to grow in the dreadful soil. I’ll bet they never worried being bitten by a water moccassin while swimming in a local pond.

I’ll bet they never chopped their beloved prize pecan trees into firewood because an ice storm had sheared off it’s 100-year-old limbs. I’ll bet they never tried to scrub the iron stains from their clothes – iron stains that came from the red dirt which wouldn’t grow anything useful.

From the time I started school until I was in college, Time Magazine ran cover story after cover story warning the world of an impending Global Ice Age. “The first Earth Day was celebrated on April 22, 1970, amidst a building alarm about the dangers of a new ice age.” The scientists agreed; it was coming and it was going to be bad.

Then sometime in the 80’s “they” decided that Global Warming was the threat du jour. Recently, that has been changed yet again to “Global Climate Change”, (does that phrase have any meaning at all?) In my lifetime, the experts have wrongly predicted every sort of change possible to the environment. Forgive me for being skeptical now.

The “global warming/climate change” scientists have proven to be liars and frauds. Most so-called green technology actually consumes as much fossil fuel and/or creates as much pollution as the technology it is supposed to replace. Recycling waste is an expensive fools’ errand.

A Holiday for the Gullible

Nature is a rampaging killer, beating on our barricaded doors, jiggling the latches of our windows and probing every crack and crevice of the walls we have built to keep her out and keep us safe. The bulk of my life has been spent battling nature, not caring for it.

The logical, natural extension of the philosophy espoused by the “Save the Earth” crowd is that man is a blight on nature and the best thing we could do for Mother Earth is to commit mass suicide.

Earth Day is a sad, sick, stupid joke played on the gullible, the forgetful and the guilt-ravaged. It helps nothing, it wastes time and it diverts our attention from real, solvable problems – like artificial turf and the designated hitter rule. (I contend that the world started going to hell with the advent of both.)

12 thoughts on “Why “Earth Day” Wasn’t Created by a Texan”

  1. You got a lot of nerve disparaging Texas weather while writing from Arizona, where if your car breaks down on I-10 too far from town and you tried to walk back, you could die from heat exhaustion or dehydration or sunburn and skin cancer before you reached civilization. Sheesh! That would never happen in Texas. Well, at least not in places other than West Texas.

  2. My coworkers and I just celebrated Earth Day in what we believe is an appropriate manner. To celebrate the Earth’s bounty, we drove to a restaurant and ate the flesh of dead animals.

  3. being from east texas and having lived in more than a few other places in texas, as well as some of those dreadful yankee countries,i can agree with you wholeheartedly. i driven along side tornadoes,walked through floods,sheltered during hurricanes and cleaned up after ice storms. and thats all in the past 10 years of living in this town! not to mention snow one day and temps in the 70’s the next.

  4. I have spent most of my life at sea. It can be very beautiful at times but the sea will kill you quick. You never win you co-exist. The sea always wins in the end. It is a constant struggle to survive. I have been in storms with waves towering 100 feet. Yes I was in “The Perfect Storm”. Waves towered above us on all sides then we were on top and everywhere you looked was down. We had green water as high as the bridge which was 5 decks up from the main deck which was 35 feet above the waterline. When you spend your life at sea you gain some perspective and realize how puny we humans really are. At first it was amuzing hearing all these ignorant Earth Firsters and Greenies talk but now it is dangerous.

    The earth is in fine shape. It is still in orbit around the sun with no signs of sudden decay. There are no huge asteroids or comets currently on a collision course. When we get wind of something of that magnitude, then we might need to do something but won’t have the capability because we have trashed our ability to get into space.

  5. Well said Jack. I am old enough to remember the infancy of the modern day environmental movement. I remember well the pedestal upon which my teachers placed Rachel Carson and her ilk. What baffles me is how now, after the premise of “Silent Spring” has been thoroughly discredited, and how after tens of thousands (if not millions) of people in third world countries have died of malaria due to the banning of DDT, the enviros and the lamestream media STILL revere Rachel Carson as some kind of saint.

    The real irony is how those urban earth children scorn those of us in flyover country who kill and grow the bulk of our sustenance. Those “enlightened” souls who think that food comes from a market. Their attitude of superiority will evaporate like yesterday’s rain puddle less than a week after the trucks stop delivering. Then watch how fast they devolve and start killing one another over a scrap of food and a cup full of tepid water.

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