Earth Day. Meh…
Earth Day always seemed to me to be a completely idiotic exercise in self-loathing.
See, I spent my childhood in Oklahoma and half my adult life in Texas, where Mother Earth doesn’t so much need care as she needs a cage.
And then I moved to London for 15 months.
Wow. What a contrast.
London: No bugs to speak of. No venomous critters. No poisonous plants. Mild weather year-round, (with a few exceptions). The ground is so fertile you could spit a seed out the back door and have a full-blown garden two months later.
Mother Nature in southwest England is a compliant, willing and fertile servant to mankind.
Apparently, the people of France consider England to be a barbaric place.
So maybe that explains this whole moronic obsession about “saving” Mother Earth.
Consider this my invitation to all you “Earth First” folks. Come spend 15 months in northeast Oklahoma and central Texas and then tell me how much care Mother Nature needs from mankind.
Save This Why?
Oklahoma in springtime is tornadoes, violent thunderstorms, surprise heatwaves, late snowstorms and crop-crushing hail storms.
Summer is drought, searing heat, blowing dust, even more violent thunderstorms and enervating humidity.
Fall is an explosion of allergens to make up for the relatively mild weather.
Winter is tree-crushing ice storms, floods, Blue Northers, weird heat waves and utterly chaotic temperatures.
And Mother Nature in Oklahoma is sweet compared to Mother Nature in Texas.
Literally everything in Texas is trying to kill you. The weather is tornadoes, hailstorms, thunderstorms, lightning storms, floods, droughts, high winds, searing heat, deadly cold, wicked temperature changes, (I clearly remember many days that had an early afternoon high in the 80s and a late afternoon reading in the 30s), and suffocating humidity.
The ground is either caliche clay, which is impossible to till, or rocks.
The array of venomous reptiles and bugs, dangerous animals and poisonous plants is exceeded only by the variety of airborne allergens.
Literally everything about Mother Nature in Texas is hostile to human life.
Mother Nature is not man’s willing servant; she is a rabid, foam-mouthed, blood-toothed, sharp-clawed maniacal destroyer.
Earth First? Puh-leeze!
I’m certain that the “Earth-First-ers” never spent weeks on end digging ton after ton of limestone from their vegetable garden, boiling with anger that the ground grew rocks but couldn’t grow radishes.
I’ll bet they never had a pasture ruined and livestock killed by an invasion of fire ants.
I’ll bet they never suffered through months of drought broken by flash floods every single friggin’ year.
I’ll bet they never sat in the emergency room with a friend whose four-year-old son suffered a rattlesnake bite and prayed he wouldn’t lose his leg.
I’ll bet they never dreaded fall and spring knowing that the pollen and assorted allergens in the air was going to make them horribly sick for weeks.
I’ll bet they never struggled season after season to get something – anything – besides weeds to grow in the dreadful soil.
I’ll bet they never worried being bitten by a water moccassin while swimming in a local pond.
I’ll bet they never chopped their beloved prize pecan trees into firewood because an ice storm had sheared off it’s 100-year-old limbs.
I’ll bet they never tried to scrub the iron stains from their clothes – iron stains that came from the red dirt which wouldn’t grow anything useful.
A Holiday for the Gullible
Earth Day is a sad, sick, stupid joke played on the gullible, the forgetful and the guilt-ravaged.
Mother Nature is a rampaging killer, beating on our barricaded doors, jiggling the latches of our windows and probing every crack and crevice of the walls we have built to keep her out and keep us safe.
The logical, natural extension of the philosophy espoused by the Save Mother Earth crowd is that man is a blight on nature and the best thing we could do for Mother Earth is to commit mass suicide.
I promise you, if the Earth Firsters spent a little time in Texas or Oklahoma, they’d likely want to commit suicide.
And really — who would blame them?