Love Earth, Hate People

Earth Day. <sigh>

What an idiotic exercise.

All these well-meaning, self-loathing do-gooders running around with their hair on fire, shouting, “Save Mother Earth! Save Mother Earth!”

Hah! Like she needs our help.

Where I grew up, Mother Earth doesn’t need care; she needs a cage.


I spent my childhood in Oklahoma and half my adult life in Texas. In my early 40’s, I moved to London for 15 months. 

Wow. What a contrast.

London has no bugs to speak of. No venomous critters. No poisonous plants. Mild weather year-round, (with a few exceptions). Ground so fertile you could spit a seed out the back door and have a full-blown garden two months later.

Mother Nature in southwest England is a compliant, willing, fertile servant to mankind.

(Apparently, the people of France consider England to be a barbaric place. It figures.)

Maybe that explains this whole moronic obsession about “saving Mother Earth.”

I issue this official invitation to all you “Save the Earth” folks.

Come live 15 months in northeast Oklahoma or central Texas. Then tell me how much care Mother Nature needs from mankind.

Save the Earth? Why not Save the People?

Oklahoma in springtime is tornadoes, violent thunderstorms, surprise heatwaves, late snowstorms and crop-crushing hail storms.

Summer brings drought, searing heat, blowing dust, even more violent thunderstorms and enervating humidity.

Fall explodes with allergens to make up for the relatively mild weather.

Winter delivers tree-crushing ice storms, floods, wicked temperature changes, weird heat waves and utterly chaotic temperatures.

And Mother Nature in Oklahoma is downright docile compared to Mother Nature in Texas.

Literally everything in Texas is trying to kill you, (except the people.)

The weather is tornadoes, hailstorms, thunderstorms, lightning storms, floods, droughts, high winds, searing heat, deadly cold, suffocating humidity and Blue Northers.

I clearly remember many days that had early afternoon highs in the 80s and a late afternoon reading in the 30s.

The ground is either caliche clay, which is impossible to till, or rocks, which is – well – rocks!

The vast array of poisonous reptiles, bugs, animals and plants is exceeded only by the even vaster variety of airborne allergens.

Mother Nature in Texas is exceedingly hostile to human life.

She is not man’s willing servant; she is a rabid, foam-mouthed, blood-toothed, sharp-clawed maniacal destroyer.

“Earth First”? Puh-leeze!

I’m certain that the “Save the Earthers” never spent weeks on end digging limestone from their vegetable garden. The ground in northeast Oklahoma seemed to create rocks by the ton spring after spring. Yet it couldn’t help me grow so much as a radish without super-human effort.

I’m pretty sure the radical enviros never cowered in a “fraidy hole praying the tornado blowing over didn’t destroy their home and/or spread their broken bodies over the shattered remains of their neighborhood.

  • I’ll bet they never scratched their skin raw and bathed in Calomine lotion because poison oak, poison ivy or poison sumac spread a nasty rash all up and down their arms, legs, trunk and face.
  • I’ll bet they never itched a night away  covered in chigger bites or fire ant bites from a simple walk through the grass.
  • I’ll bet they never endured a ruined pasture or livestock slaughtered by an invasion of fire ants.
  • I’ll bet they never suffered through months of drought broken by flash floods every single friggin’ year.
  • I’ll bet they never sat in the emergency room with a friend whose four-year-old son suffered a rattlesnake bite and prayed he wouldn’t lose his leg.
  • I’ll bet they never dreaded every single fall and spring knowing that the assorted toxic pollen and allergens wafting through the air would make them horribly sick for weeks on end.
  • I’ll bet they never struggled season after season to get something – anything – besides weeds to grow in the dreadful soil.
  • I’ll bet they never worried being bitten by a water moccassin while swimming in a local pond.
  • I’ll bet they never chopped their beloved pecan trees into firewood because an ice storm had sheared off it’s 100-year-old limbs.
  • I’ll bet they never scrubbed red dirt iron stains from their clothes, stains from stubborn ground which refusded to grow anything useful.

I’ve suffered through every one of these things – many times. And so has anyone else who’s lived in Oklahoma or Texas for any length of time.

A Holiday for the Gullible

Mother Nature is a rampaging killer. She beats on our barricaded doors, she jiggles the latches of our windows and probes every crack and crevice of the walls we have built for one specific purpose: to keep her out and keep us safe.

Earth Day is a sad, sick, stupid joke played on the gullible, the forgetful and the guilt-ravaged.

The logical, natural extension of the philosophy espoused by the Save Mother Earth crowd is that man is a blight on nature and the best thing we could do for Mother Earth is to commit mass suicide.

If the Save the Earth crowd spent a little time in Texas or Oklahoma, they’d likely want to commit suicide.

And y’know, maybe that would be the kindest thing they could do – for the earth, and for all the rest of us.