My Man Card May Be In Jeopardy…

…for admitting I watch “Dancing With The Stars“, but I have to say something about the television production. First, though, I guess I must defend myself for watching the show at all.

Here’s why I deserve to keep my Man Card in spite of my viewing habits. First, I don’t initiate the watching. My Best Beloved watches regularly and likes me to watch with her, so Imy primary reason for watching is to be a  Good Mate. Second, the female dancers have fabulous bodies, wear very little clothing and move like they are double jointed everywhere. EVERYWHERE. (Which reminds me: where is Edyta this year anyway? I always looked forward to seeing how close to naked she managed to get with her “costumes”.)

So, with that defense of my manhood complete, can I please speak directly to the producers of the show?

Would you guys try to remember that dance is an art form performed on a stage by an audience that is sitting still? And could you try to keep in mind that the choreography is designed for an audience which is seated in front of the stage?

In the couple of years I have been watching DWTS, I have been subjected to bizarro camera angles, quick cuts from camera to camera and zoom focus on small parts of the whole stage – all of which makes it impossible for the television viewer to actually see the piece as choreographed. Why do the producers think that swooping camera angles, fast cuts from image to image, and zoom focus on individual dancers makes for good TV? It might work for a drama filmed on a sound stage, but it SUX BIG HAIRY DONKEY BALLS for a stage production.

Can whoever produces this show try to think like an audience member sitting in front of the stage, and give us that single, static view of the whole stage without flicking back and forth from the camera in the attic to the camera backstage in the wings to the camera on the remote control helicopter? Please? I just wanna see the dancing. I’m not remotely interested in how creative you can be with camera angles.

It’d be like showing a football game and flicking through 20 different camera angles during the play. It makes it IMPOSSIBLE to follow the action. You wanna demonstrate how swoopy and artsy you can be with the cameras? Do it during the replay and the slo-mo. During the live action, we wanna see it like we have the SINGLE best seat in the house.

Okay?

Okay.

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