You say you lack self-confidence and you want to fix it?
Fine.
I’ll give you the 3-word never fail inside track. But I gotta lay the ground work first.
Why do you lack self-confidence?
Because you perceive that you lack competence.
Confidence comes from competence. If you are good at something hard, and you know you’re good at it, then confidence comes along as a natural by-product.
Your self-confidence problem is a very fixable problem.
However, it is not an easy fix. But it is a simple fix.
The Wrong Kind of Solution
Solutions that are easy are seldom effective. You know this is true.
On the other hand, solutions that are complicated seldom work either. Why? Simply because they are complicated.
The best solutions are simple, but not easy.
Let me illustrate.
Suppose your problem is that you are physically weak. The solution is to get strong. How?
The easy solution is to take a pill. That requires little effort. You can probably execute on that plan. But you know it won’t really work.
The complicated solution is… well, there’s a myriad of complicated solutions that involve machines and stretching and exercises and counting calories and schedules. You get the idea. Will it work? It will if you execute. Will you be able to execute? Probably not.
The simple and hard solution is to lift free weights.
Simple. Not easy. And it will absolutely work. You know it will.
The right way to developing your self-confidence is both simple and hard.
Here’s the 3-word secret
Master Something Hard
That’s it.
That’s where you start.
(Video games don’t count. And be honest – if it did, you wouldn’t lack self-confidence, would you?)
At the beginning, as you try to master something hard, you will suck at it.
That’s fine. Anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly.
Write down the skill you want to master.
If it’s social situations, then write down, “I want to master social situations.”
If it’s working out, then write down, “I want to master working out.”
If it’s running a business, then write down, “I want to master running a business.”
Then – on the next line – write down, “And I am willing to suck at it while I learn to master it.”
Be Willing to Suck
Being willing to suck is a key element of gaining competence.
If you are unwilling to suck, then you have a different problem you must deal with before we address your confidence. Your problem is ego.
So tell your ego to sit down and shut up. Be willing to suck while you master something hard.
As you perceive yourself making progress, you will – at the same time – experience growing self-confidence.
You Can’t Buy Competence
Look, competence is a 1-man, inside job you do ON yourself BY yourself. You can’t buy it. You can’t hack it. There are no shortcuts.
It takes time and discipline.
Get on it, son.