“Reasons Why” don’t ever begin a great love story. They only explain it after its already happened.
I don’t even like this coffee.
Here I am at Peixoto Coffee in downtown Chandler.
Again.
For the umpteenth time.
Matthew sits across from me, waiting for me to drop some wisdom into his brain.
Why am I here?
He would’ve met me anywhere.
Why did I say, “Peixoto”?
Matthew’s band, Vinyl Station just returned from a long tour as the opening act for superstar Rob Thomas. The tour exposed the band to a huge audience. However, it didn’t translate into devoted fans.
Matthew wants people to fall in love with Vinyl Station. And he asked me to help.
I said, “Meet me at Peixoto Coffee.”
But why? Why did I suggest this particular coffee shop?
I don’t even like this coffee.
You can make anyone feel love and devotion toward you. It’s easy if you know how to do it.
Doesn’t take much time. Doesn’t take much effort.
As you read these words, you may be holding your phone or reading them on your computer. And it doesn’t seem real to you.
Your phone seems real. Your computer seems real. You’re real.
(Aren’t you?)
But making someone feel love and devotion? Is that real?
If you’re like most people, you feel doubt right now.
And I don’t blame you.
I doubted it too, till I saw it myself. Consider this:
It feels really good to laugh, doesn’t it? If you’re feeling sad or gloomy, laughter will break that mood almost instantly. And one of the best ways to laugh is to be tickled.
Have you ever tried to tickle yourself?
It’s impossible. It can’t be done.
No matter how much you want to make yourself laugh, you cannot do it by tickling yourself.
Laughter is a reflex when you are tickled. And it is impossible to trigger your own reflexes. But it’s really easy to learn to tickle someone else. In fact, you can learn to tickle almost anyone in just seconds.
Once you learn how to trigger the reflex, you can tickle a whole room of people one at a time.
Well, learning to make people feel love and devotion is the same kind of thing. And it only takes a few minutes to learn the basic rules.
So, go ahead and be a little skeptical. And also imagine the possibilities.
What if I am right? What if “feeling love and devotion” is reflex, like “laughter when tickled”?
Maybe there’s a person in your life who is being difficult. Or a customer you need to win. Or an employer who’s being difficult. Or a member who is causing trouble.
Making people feel love and devotion towards you won’t solve all your problems.
But it will solve any problem that involves how people feel about you.
What relationships in your life would benefit from feelings of love and devotion?
I love coffee. I love its earthy smell of it. I love the bitter taste. I love the temperature. It’s a little slice of heaven every morning. My morning ritual starts in the kitchen. I open the blinds and enjoy the way the early morning sun casts long, sharp shadows across the back garden.
I go to the sink and fill the kettle with 1.8 quarts of water. (There’s a line on the outside of the kettle to mark the amount.)
I put the kettle on to heat.
Next, I clean my double-walled stainless-steel Bodum French Press coffee pot. I love the way it looks and the way it feels in my hand, smooth and cool and curved, like a marble sculpture. It’s a beautiful piece of domestic art for my kitchen.
Next, I spoon 7 tablespoons of whole beans into the grinder. (One tablespoon per 8 ounces of water.)
I grind the beans till it sounds just right. I can tell when the beans are ready by the change in the sound of the grinder. I dump the ground beans into the pot.
When the display on the kettle hits 185 degrees, I pour water slowly over the grounds. I use a long wooden spoon to stir as a pour. A lovely, light-tan “bloom” rises from the grinds as I stir.
Once the pot is full, I let it sit for 4 minutes – no less – before I press it. I grab my my double-walled stainless-steel Yeti coffee mug, eager for climax of this daily ritual.
The coffee flows light brown and viscous from the Bodum, filling my nostrils with promises.
My mouth waters. This is going to be magical.
That first sip is almost too hot to drink.
Perfection.
I’m ready to begin my day.
As much as I love coffee, there’s something I love even more.
Stories.
You love stories too. How do I know? Because you’re human. And all humans love stories.
When you want to make someone feel love and devotion, you must start with a story. Most people go wrong here.
They fall prey to a common fallacy. I call it The Reason Why Fallacy.
It goes something like this:
- “Let me tell you the reason why you should love me.”
- “Here’s the reason why you should choose my product.”
- “This is a list of 10 reasons why we are your best choice for this service.”
Any time you lead with a Reason Why, you are going to lose.
Reasons Why don’t ever begin a great love story. They only explain it after its already happened.
I began laughing at myself. Why? Because I realized the truth. Even though I know and teach these techniques, I am just as susceptible to them as anyone else.
I didn’t like Peixoto’s Coffee when I first tried them out. But I heard their story the first time I visited, and I was captivated by it.
Their story was so powerful that I kept coming back. And every time I came back, I’d order a cup of coffee. Before too long, I fell in love with the coffee. (Now, it’s my favorite.)
But I fell in love with their story long before I fell in love with their product.
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